dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
