This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
