Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
