we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
