is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
How does one acquire holy water?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize