yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Less talking, more tequila
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
