So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
