Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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