Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
as a side note pls kill me
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
