next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize