the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
