My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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