Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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