Non-Jews are for practice
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
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