This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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