i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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