feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
