I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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