dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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