do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
