Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You peed on a flamingo?!?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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