i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
