i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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