I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The uberlube is also flammable
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
