i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
