He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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