I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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