If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
