Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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