mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
