How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
how drunk are you?
Several
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
