the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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