I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
