how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
