she was so not down for the gang bang
farters have to be the big spoon...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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