i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
