Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
