before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
