Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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