god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
