Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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