I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
