I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
