I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
