if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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