now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
