Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
