so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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