Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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