Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
No I am not eating basil off your cock
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
