Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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