I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize