I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
