so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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