My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
