Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
