i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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