just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
vagina is talking i cant
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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