I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
