Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Operation Purity has been aborted
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
