I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
