And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
