I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
