Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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