how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize