I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
