He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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