she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
