Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
