yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
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