I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
