i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
