i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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