I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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