I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
His hands were made for my vagina.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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