So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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