we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Well I just put wine in my tea
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
